When I was little I used to have warm milky coffee to dip my rye crackers and cheese into. When I was a teenager it was my go to beverage alongside a piping hot Bino’s restaurant bran muffin dripping in melted butter. When I became a mother at the ripe old age of 21, going out for coffee was the one thing that kept me feeling like I had a social life. In fact, that social life was so important to me that when I was 23 I opened a child friendly cafe so other new mothers could go to the cafe with their kids and feel human again. Fast forward 20 odd years and coffee has been a trusted friend during good times and bad.
Then, perimenopause decided to waltz into my life. At first it was subtle and occasionally I would feel a little drained after a cup of coffee as opposed to feeling energized or soothed. My sleep started to suffer and my stress management was not exactly stellar. Upon the recommendation of several books, several peers, and several naturopaths, I decided to cut out coffee.
It was hard. Really, really hard. I tried dandelion coffee substitute, I tried Inka and other roasted barley beverages, I tried decaf, I tried Frye’s cocoa with hot water (no sugar and no milk), and I tried every form of green tea possible. I was able to wean myself off eventually, but not a day went by that I didn’t think about or crave the real deal. I was able to stay off of coffee for two years and that in-part helped me to manage my health through my most challenging peri-menopausal years… then a funny thing happened. I decided I was feeling pretty good and that I could probably have just one cup of coffee as long as I made it a *bulletproof and as long as I kept it to one cup a day. I figured I could handle it.
I loved my coffee. I loved the smell of it as I ground it. I love watching the grinds bloom as I poured the freshly boiled water over them, I took pride in pressing a perfect cup of dark french roast, and I savoured that cup every morning. I justified this cup a day by telling myself that adding coconut oil, grass fed butter, and a couple of medule dates actually made this a nutrient dense beverage that was good for me. I was happy and that joy lasted one beautiful year.
That was then…this is now.
Recently my sleep has become less regular and my lifestyle (small business owner in a very demanding and ever changing landscape) has become increasingly physically and emotionally taxing. The Cannabis legalization process has been quite a rollercoaster. Symptoms that I have treated in the past have come creeping back into the picture, and while I have plenty of access to cannabis products, I haven’t been giving myself the time of day to use it to my benefit. So yeah…the itchy shins, the burning eyes and restless sleeps, the feeling bloated, the rough skin, and the shorter attention span… I recognize them and I know deep in my soul that my coffee has to go. My beautiful friend who I’d only just reunited with was going to have be a thing of the past.
And here is the thing. I’m ok! I have tools and I realize that once you make the decision to take care of yourself, and once you have the tools, everything falls into place.
I have a sativa tincture (I know, sativa isn’t really a thing), I have a tincture that is rich in energizing terpenes and its lovely. I know that when I use my tincture my mornings are brighter and my thought process is more enjoyable. I am creative, alert, and aware.
It’s been three plus weeks and things are falling back into place. It feels familiar and I like it.
I have moments when I catch myself thinking “just one” or “maybe a decaf” but I know better. I am addicted to coffee and for me one cup…even a decaf is my downfall. I understand its allure and I know not to give in. The tincture does not replace the coffee nor is it a substitute: it is something entirely different. Yes it gives me a lift and yes it offers me an energetic boost but it is so much more than that. It keeps me tuned in instead of turned on. I have a more enriched internal dialogue and a more conscious approach to my day. With coffee I felt soothed and “normal”, with my tincture I feel aware and maybe even a little vulnerable and it’s exciting.
When I set out to write this blog post, I wanted to go deep into the addictive properties of coffee and I wanted to make sure people would want to get off the sauce now! But I now realize that I don’t want anyone to make any changes to their life unless it’s self actualized.
What I want to do is to share with you how good I feel and how happy I am to have cannabis in my life and if this inspires you to make a positive change then that’s gravy.
*Bulletproof Coffee: A blended coffee “latte” where milk is replaced by a small amount of coconut oil and butter.